Sunday, July 23, 2006
Parenting
Current mood: calm
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
These Kids Today

By R.E.Morin

I recently read about a little girl who went missing. One minute she was there with her family, the next she was gone. It could have turned out to be one of those tragic stories where a child gets abducted or killed, but it wasnt. She was found twelve hours later, sleeping under a bush.

I lost my young daughter at the Common Ground Fair once. It seemed as though she disappeared in the blink of an eye. I started turning in circles, shouting her name, then made an ever-widening search, which became more and more filled with panic and tears. After what seemed like an hour or two, she turned up at a vending booth, set up by one of our neighbors. It was one of my scariest parenting moments.

In a sense, "coming out" is like parenting. We need to nurture ourselves in the face of adversity and hate. Gay people face more challenges learning to love themselves and usually struggle harder with family relationships. It is heartening to see someone who lives openly and honestly, embracing the darker aspects of their being, as well as the light. Conversely, its frightening to see someone living a dual existence, showing one side of themselves to their family and loved ones, but secretly carrying on in ways that they think are dark and shameful. I feel sorry for people who dont have the courage to love themselves. Sometimes people who appear nice and sweet on the outside are the last people you really want around your children.

I got lost in the woods when I was five. We were at a family camp up north, when I wandered off in the middle of the night. I got up to pee in the bushes and lost my way somehow. Feeling the dirt path under my bare feet was the only way I could navigate through the forest. It was pitch black and terrifying under the thick canopy of trees. After several hours and a couple miles, I spied a light in the distance. I finally came upon a circle of longhaired, flower children, playing guitars and smoking Peace Pipes around a fire. At first they gasped when seeing my dirtied face appear into the light, then one of them scooped me up onto his shoulders and carried me all the way back to my family, who were all asleep, and had no idea I was gone. That wouldve been a happy ending to the story if it ended there. Sadly, the commotion of my return woke everyone up and enraged my ignorant father. He took me back to where I had been sleeping and beat me with a belt.

My twenty two-year-old son wants to have a family someday. He hopes to pick up the worn, rusty tools of adversity and build something beautiful. He is just learning to really love and embrace himself and become his own, best ally. What I want for him is to realize what a beautiful, brilliant person he is and live life to the fullest. I would be a hypocrite then, if I didnt try to do that myself.

On the school playground I couldnt hit a ball with a bat or dribble a basketball like most of the boys- I wanted to skip rope with the girls. They kept the rhythm of the swinging rope with clapping hands and specially made up songs. I loved that. I also loved the Hula-Hoops and twirling batons that seemed to be meant just for girls. I never could figure that out, and neither could the bullies who knocked the crap out of me.

One reason I write this column is because of those bullies. I dont want them terrorizing your children, or my grandchildren, because they are different. If I can help society relate to us as real, family people, then perhaps fewer children will get called sissies and be beaten up. I do it for the children. Now, you know.

I told my son to practice parenting on himself, that he should be devoted to his own wellness, the same way a loving father would care for his son. Then I fixed his bacon and eggs and drove him to work.

Who is YOUR Daddy? "I am my own Daddy", my publisher always replies when asked that question. I hope for your sake, that you are your own, also. Happy parenting!

"Ours is a culture and a time immensely rich in trash as it is in treasures. Sometimes it is a little hard to tell the trash from the treasure, so we hold back, afraid to declare ourselves. But we are out to give ourselves texture, to collect truths on many levels, and in many ways to test ourselves against life and the truths of others, offered to us."- Ray Bradbury